Bondage and Discipline

Turning Your Fantasy Into Reality

Studies have shown that up to 50% of all men have fantasies about sex involving bondage and discipline (B&D). Similar numbers have come up for women's fantasies, placing the fantasy of being restrained or otherwise controlled during sex second place only to the very basic fantasy of sex itself. This means that if you've always wanted to introduce some elements of bondage into your own sex life, you're in good company!

Of course, mentioning your fantasies to your partner can still be a nerve-wracking task. As with all sexually- and emotionally-charged conversations, it's usually best to have The Talk at a neutral time. Bringing it up just before or just after making love (or worse, during) could make your lover feel turned off, insecure, or pressured. Instead, introduce a discussion of your fantasies at a time when you're both relaxed and unemotional. If you still feel hesitant, a game like Exploring Ultimate Fantasies can help get you and your partner talking about B&D in a creative way. As long as you broach the subject in a respectful manner, showing concern for your lover's feelings as well as your own passions, you're likely to receive a positive response. You may even discover that he or she has been fantasizing about the same thing!

If you don't have a partner at the time, you can still begin exploring the world of B&D/S&M by yourself. Using adult personal ads or fetish clubs (both of which are easily found online), you can connect with others who have made bondage a part of their lives -- either as a weekend hobby or as an entire lifestyle. Even doing something as simple as reading books and articles on B&D can get you prepared to safely experiment with real-life interactions.

Finding Your Comfort Zone

Before you begin, it's important to find a partner who you trust. Someone who practices bondage and discipline in a structured environment like an adult dungeon or fetish club is likely to know and follow the code of safety, otherwise known as SSC (standing for safe, sane, and consentual). Prior to engaging in any sexual behavior, you will sit down with this person, discuss your boundaries and desires, and establish precautionary measures should things become too much for either of you. Even if you're experimenting with a long-term and trusted lover, it's critical to share your expectations with one another and come up with a safe word to use in the event that the action becomes too intense. Because so much of B&D involves role-playing as a victim and perpetrator, words like "stop" and "no" may be mistaken for part of the game and not taken seriously. Together, you and your partner can invent a word or phrase that will catch your attention and immediately put a stop to the undesireable action.

Bondage Equipment for Beginners

Once you and your partner have agreed to explore bondage within your relationship, you'll need to decide what kind of toys will help to make the most of your experience. I would recommend starting out with some of the most basic pieces; there's a tremendous variety of bondage toys on the market and you don't want to become overwhelmed before you even get started!

Some of your options include handcuffs, blindfolds, restraints, and feather ticklers. Used alone, each of these erotic toys can supercharge your sex life. Use more than one in the same session and expect even more powerful results.

To get things off to a bold start, consider purchasing a bondage supply kit. That will give you a chance to experiment with some of the most popular B&D toys, without costing you an arm and a leg. By the time you've played with a beginner's bondage kit, you and your lover will be able to talk about what worked and what didn't. You may well love everything you try, but certain implements will likely stand out as your favorites. A basic kit can help you decide what items are worth splurging on for next time.

Ready, Set, Go!

When you're just beginning to make bondage a part of your sexual routine, it's a good idea for lovers to take turns being in control. After you've had a chance to cuff your lover to the bed, cover his or her eyes with a love mask, and treat your partner to an erotic sensory experience heightened by the thrill of anticipation, you won't mind changing places for a few thrills of your own.

Be safe, and have fun!